WELCOME TO THE POWER RANKINGS!!!!!!!!
For this week, I've decided to rank the teams in terms of Harry Potter books. I have strong opinions about both Harry Potter and basketball, and as such I think it is appropriate to combine them.
Some exposition: I'm not ranking the teams by best book; that is, the top tier teams are not put under the "Order of the Phoenix" banner (easily the best book in the series, don't @ me), but by the themes of the novel. So, for the worst teams, (FOR EXAMPLE), I'll be using the Half-Blood Prince, because hopelessness and despair are a bit part of that novel.
Or something. Whatever. Just read the article.
TIER 1 - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Los Angeles Sparks
New York Liberty
The Lynx have overtaken the Sparks in my rankings, at least for now. The Lynx have won the last six in a row, and are just a shade behind the Sparks in both scoring defense and offense. They've also overtaken them in defensive rating, by 2.5 points. The Sparks still lead in offensive possession, and being held captive, I probably still pick them over Minnesota.
The Liberty continue to be great, and the only real threat to the West. They've won seven of their last 10, and sit at third in defensive rating. Their offense is still a concern; it'll probably hold them back, blah blah blah copy paste literally every article that I mention the New York Liberty offense.
HOW THIS RELATES TO HARRY POTTER:
The Deathly Hallows is about the victory of good over evil, and the cost of that victory. The first part of that applies to these top three teams. This doesn't make much sense. Please don't @ me. I am very sensitive to Twitticism.
TIER 2 - Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
4. Chicago Sky
5. Atlanta Dream
6. Indiana Fever
7. Phoenix Mercury
The Chicago Sky have the best player out of all of these three teams, and that is why they are at the top of the rankings. It's been a really disappointing season for the Sky, especially; after a good season last year, I think many expected them to come out of the gates, firing on all cylinders. But that hasn't been the case.
The Dream haven't lived up to early season promise. I've discussed my issues with their issues enough to not want to talk about it right now. Basically: too reliant on free throws, not enough of anything else.
The Fever had lower expectations, even though they were coming off a Finals berth, but it still hurts to see them struggle. They are towards the lower ends of both offensive and defensive scoring, and their off and def ratings paint no prettier a picture.
The Mercury continue to baffle me. How they have that collection of talent, and struggle so mightily, is beyond me. They score the second-most points in the WNBA, and give up the second-most points; the third-best offensive rating, and the second-worst defensive rating.
How the hell do you manage that with Brittney Griner and Diana Taurasi????? Griner should, and normally is, a black hole; she alters the trajectory of all that come near her. However, it just hasn't been there this season. A real shame.
HOW POTTER, HUNTER??????
The Order of the Phoenix is (partially) about feeling like you're on the outside looking in, unfairly, when in reality it's because you're just not ready for what you have to face yet.... good job by me.
TIER 3 - Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
8. Seattle Storm
9. Connecticut Sun
10. San Antonio Stars
Alright, I lose my grip here a little bit. The Stars and Sun would normally not be this high, but for the purpose of this exercise, they are. That is not a good argument, Hunter.
These three fit well together, IN MY OPINION, because they all have a lot of young players that could, one day, become something. The Storm and Sun especially. The Stars are little further behind in that department, but only by a draft or two. The Storm are very much ahead of both teams, simply because they have Breanna Stewart, who I would bet a colossal sum of money ($) on to be a future franchise-level star.
DOES POTTER HOW:
The Sorcerer's Stone (or Philosopher's Stone, if y'all into that kind of thing), was a novel that was full of potential, and possibility. By itself, it's a remarkable novel. It's entertaining, and full of memorable characters and plot lines, but it functions best as a hook for what's to come. These teams are similar, in that they have interesting things going for it right now, but are most fascinating looking forward.
TIER 4 - Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
11. Dallas Wings
12. Washington Mystics
These two teams are just depressing. Both teams are stuck in a halfway house; talent enough on the roster to make people hopeful, but with results bad enough to make you want to just blow it all to hell.
Though I am sure that the Wings had much higher expectations for this season, this has to be especially galling for the Mystics. They were a contender last season, if a tier below teams like Minnesota, and I fully expected them to come out strong (this is a theme; perhaps I know very little about essentially everything). But they haven't, and as such, here they are.
The Half-Blood Prince sees the death of Dumbledore (SpOiLeRs), and much hope is lost; he was supposed to be there when it counted most, and instead he was shot off a freaking wizard's tower. As far as death's go, that's pretty dope.